Stop Blaming You'll Feel Better

Patricia Payne

Many people claim that love is what connects us all together. That's true. Love brings us together in a positive way. If there is something that connects us in a negative sense, it might be BLAME.

Blaming is something we all do. How often do we blame our partner for our unhappiness? Our car for breaking down? Ourselves for things out of our control? The downside of blame is that when we blame someone else for something we put ourselves in a place of inaction.

When we learn to reduce blame and focus our attention on what we can do to improve a situation, life changes dramatically for us. I believe one of the highest forms of spiritual work involves learning to be responsible for ourselves and stop blaming - a real challenge for us all!

"Why should I stop blaming?" you might ask. "Why bother" If someone else fails to live up to their responsibilities, I have a right to blame them. Why should I be the one who has to change?

The best answer I know of is that blame keeps you tied to the past. Letting go of blaming yourself and others allows you to move forward, and moving forward builds your sense of self-worth and self-esteem. In my practice I have seen many people marvel at the indescribable feeling of accomplishment that comes from transforming blame into appropriate action.

You can begin today to take back power in your life by noticing how you might be blaming the kids or your boss for your anger ("you make me so mad!") or blaming the IRS for your lack of funds. Notice how it feels. Then ask yourself what you can do to affect this in a positive way. It may be something as simple as being patient, or asking for what you want. Then do it! You will be pleasantly surprised at how great it feels!

To truly eradicate blame, you may need to identify and change some inaccurate beliefs that get in the way of your reaching your goals. This takes commitment and requires consistent attention. The important thing is to stay with your commitment long enough to achieve success. You may find it helpful to find someone to guide you. Someone with experience you can trust.

I encourage you to make the decision and the commitment to empower your life by freeing yourself from the cycle of blame.

Pat Payne, LCSW is a licensed therapist with 25 years experience in helping others increase their peacefulness and serenity.