Online Therapy


We do not have to be at the brunt end of any emotion. In fact the mind cannot tell the difference between a created experience and one that actually happened.
Life is such an interesting adventure. Even our very sense of self, who we identify ourselves as, is a personally created experience that can change. When you begin online therapy it can be helpful to really think about what your most important need/concerns actually are.

Each little area of "upset" or reaction that we carry within us is a little contraction in our bodies (i.e.: a tight shoulder, stiff neck, back cramp etc.). It is interesting how sometimes we react to people. Every time we notice ourselves expressing with "opinionated oomph", something to a friend or relative; we can know that we have a strong opinion or judgment about something or someone or some behavior. Judgement is just a sign that we are not feeling safe. Judging someone else defends us from having to feel anything painful (sadness, anger, etc.). It keeps us too busy to feel and gives us a "righteous" mental activity we use to bypass true feelings. This way, we can feel strong instead of weak. Usually we eventually discover that the judgements we pass on others are the very same ones we subject ourselves to. It's a great mirror to look into to see how we are treating ourselves.

Using Online Therapy, what level do you want to work on? Is it: I want to feel better. I want to understand the situation more objectively. I want to let go of blaming anyone, including myself. How can I change some of my experiences so that I can feel better most of the time? You can work any way you want. Just think about what you really need right now.

It is not "our fault". Good therapy shows us that we have the divine right and personal power to change how we feel in our experiences in life. What is your first choice way you want to be able to feel all the time? That is the starting point. Set the goal. At least then we know where we are headed. We are all good people and deserve to be free. It is all right to forgive ourselves so we can begin to move into this birthright called freedom/liberation.

What are you willing to do to get what you want? Some of us might say: I am willing to open up to one other living soul and to share my secrets to get it off my chest. I am willing to let them love and care about me while they listen. I am willing to learn ways to work with myself to help myself feel better. I can use techniques. I can receive support. I can share insights. I can learn more about what being objective is and how to do it. I can take good care of myself. Then, if I reach a point when I feel ready, I can be willing to sit with the pain of a situation or relationship so that it can move all the way through my nervous system. I can work to clarify what really happened and how/why it happened objectively. As my increased clarity calms me down over time; I can allow myself to stay with the feeling of the pain long enough for the possibility of an empty feeling to follow. I can sit with that emptiness without filling it up with more reactions/opinions and allow eventually for the self-contraction to release and for my essential presence or true self to be felt/experienced.

You know what they say, "You can't heal what you won't feel"...when you sit with emptiness that aspect that that contraction was blocking now comes through. Some people call this a spiritual experience; others call it peace, etc. I can learn and use techniques and work at my own comfortable pace.

Here are some other general and interesting questions to guide you as you consider what you want from an online therapy session:

What is the difference between self-pity and compassion for self? Trust is an interesting issue we in truth have with ourselves. Can I trust myself not to interpret a situation in a way that causes me great pain?
How do we create meaning in any given situation? What are the ingredients of our sense of self-identity? Where do our beliefs come from and if I want to can I change them? How can I change the outcomes I keep getting in certain situations in my life?

How we create meaning around a relationship determines its effects on us. In your most important relationships ask yourself:
What do I want from my relationship lover, spouse, mother, father, sister, and brother, friend right now? What do they want from me right now? How do I feel about giving them what they want from me? What does it make me feel like when they are angry with me or disapproving of me? Why is this hard for me? What opinionated "leg" do I still need to stand on in my relationship to any of these people in my life? What do I lose by letting these people perceive me they way they do? Is there a grain of truth in what they sometimes say? Where in these relationships do I most need to correct their perceptions...to rationalize/explain myself? What threatens me the most about letting them have their interpretation? Where is the fine line about keeping my personal dignity and re-owning my own dark side?...so I can set my friends and loved ones free? When I have conflict in my personal or social relationships, is the way it makes me feel like the way I used to feel when My parents rejected or disregarded me?

And considering our relationship with our parents: How do I feel about my mother/father's suffering? Would her/his life have been happier or less burdensome if she/he didn't have me? Have I carried my mother/father's pain? Am I ashamed of my feelings? Did my mother/father resent my moving on with my own life? Is it ok to go ahead and feel rage at my parents even though I realize they need me to forgive them? Is there a connection between my fears and my mother/father's ambivalences about herself or my father's ambivalences about himself? What parts of myself are camouflaged by my indulgent concern for my mother or father? What is the deepest most profound challenge in my life that I connect with my Mother/Father?

Then our work: What binds my energies when it comes to fulfilling my ambitions/needs for recognition? Have I ever felt full/complete in the area of recognition?

Pain in general: Could my pain be in large part culturally induced? Do I love my body? My looks? Do I feel guilty about feeling angry? To what extent am I covering up my own ambivalence with anger and being "right"? So I hide behind my own maternal/paternal behaviors?

Our Dark Side: In what ways do I express my Dark Side in life? In what ways do my relatives/friends express their Dark Side in life? What would happen if I let myself feel all the conflicting feelings (rage, grief, betrayal etc) I have towards certain others? How can I know objectively where my dark side ends and theirs begin in a conflicting situation?

Use these questions to help structure your first few online therapy sessions and see if it helps at all. I look forward to hearing from you!