Nurture Yourself

Patricia Payne

All adults need to pull energy into learning how to nurture and love themselves to counteract negative programming. I wondered about this until I heard of a study in which two-years olds were followed for a day. They heard negative comments 436 times - "stop", "don't touch that", "no" , etc. They heard positive comments just 36 times - "good girl/boy", "good job", "yes", etc. Is it any wonder that we tend to think negatively about ourselves?

How we think about ourselves affects how we feel and how we act. Have you noticed that you have the fender bender or other unpleasantness on a day when you are already not feeling good about yourself? On other days, when you are feeling confident and self- assured, things seem to work well for you. How we feel about ourselves definitely affects our actions and the outcome of our endeavors.

There are two parts to the process of increasing our confidence and empowerment: an inner one and an outer one. The inner one is becoming aware of how we talk to ourselves and changing it if it is not helpful. Is that inner voice devaluing and abusive, or compassionate and understating? When you make a mistake, are you able to say to yourself, "That's OK, you'll do better next time; everyone makes mistakes"? Our self-esteem and confidence take a giant leap as we learn to talk to ourselves as lovingly as we do to our best friend or someone else we dearly love.

The outer part is doing physical activities to increase our feelings of comfort, wholeness, and centeredness, such as a bubble bath, showers, walking or running on the beach, being in a beautiful natural setting (in reality or in imagination). The list is endless as the differences in our likes and dislikes. Creating a list of the things that bring a smile to your face is one way of becoming more aware of what is nurturing for you. It is helpful to keep this list someplace where you will see it and add things to it often. Doing at least one of the things on the list daily will dramatically change the feeling tone of your life.

By becoming aware and changing our inner and outer behavior we can increase our love for ourselves; resulting in higher self-esteem, confidence, and a more fulfilled life.

Pat Payne LCSW is licensed therapist with 25 years experiencing helping others increase their peacefulness and serenity.