Tantrums: 3 ideas for getting a grip with love

Shannon Batts

1. Tantrums

When you are trying a new way of approaching tantrums, and you can't think of what to say or do, think of what YOU need when you are feeling really ticked off! Do you need someone in your face telling you to shut-up? Or hitting you? Or telling you to leave the room? A little mirroring would feel great for starters.
Further steps you could take include offering an expressive opportunity that you could do together (scribbling, pounding on a pillow, writing a note); setting limits (picking a child up and out of a store where it's not the best place for problem solving); and looking for a chance to brainstorm ideas about the frustrating situation that contributed to the tantrum. Now on to another approach.

2.BE YOUR CHILD'S ROLE MODEL

If your temper buttons are pushed easily, or when they are, you aggressively blow off steam, your child may be imitating you.
One healthy step towards getting a grip is to be a role model of catching yourself "blowing it," and saying out loud that you will try a better way. Then, go for it!
Don't worry that you will lose your child's respect by admitting a mistake. You are expanding your child's menu of ways to handle stress and be flexible when behavior like a tantrum isn't helping.

3.KNOW YOUR CHILD'S NEEDS

Releasing pent up tension (having a tantrum) is likely to be one of your child's needs at one time or another. Being safe while unraveling will help. Tips from parenting experts on this point include staying calm, not giving in if a demand was made, letting it go afterwards other than to comment on the child's good job of eventually calming down, and offering physical comfort.
Basic needs are important to tend to and you are the best one to do this for your child! Remember what it's like to play till you drop? If you notice your kid is a major crank, remember the basics: food, rest, and the love that's communicated through attention, especially catching him or her doing something well!
What a child doesn't need: absolute control, hearing "no" constantly, a wishy-washy "no" that turns into a yes, or the other extreme-giving in constantly.
MORE TIPS
If the source of the tantrums is baffling you, keep a Tantrum Journal for 2 weeks and note all the details of time, place, and if your child is hungry, or bored, etc.

Shannon Batts, M.S., MFC34477 is a member of The International Association of Cognitive Therapy, California Association Of Marriage and Family Therapists (State, and Los Angeles Chapter), the Santa Monica Chamber of Commerce, and is a Los Angeles City Attorney?s Office Victim Witness psychotherapy provider.

Copyright Ó1998, Shannon Batts, MS