Ways to discipline your child


The goals of good discipline:
- To encourage appropriate behavior
- To help prevent problems from arising as the child grows older
- To instill a lifelong sense of self-discipline

Why is discipline important?
Because it's the key to the way your child will behave!!
TODAY- Appropriate and consistent discipline can make life smoother and more pleasant for you, your child and everyone in the family, and TOMMORROW-
The way discipline is handled in your family will help shape the kind of adult your child will become.

Discipline is an ongoing process...
- It begins early in the child's life.
- It involves changes as the child matures.
- It continues until the child is an adult, and then goes on as self-discipline.

DISCIPLINE HELPS CHILDREN:
- Develop self-control - Feelings of anger, jealousy, helplessness and fear are only natural at times. They may surface as temper tantrums, whining or fighting. Parents can help their children handle these feelings constructively.
- Respect others' rights - Everyone has the right to privacy, to be spoken to politely and to have personal belongings left alone. Children should be taught to say, "please" and "thank you", to knock before entering a room, and to respect others' belongings.
- Express emotions appropriately - it's not always easy to say, "I'm sorry" or "that hurt my feelings". Talking about feelings can help prevent misunderstandings and bitterness.
- Build self-esteem - Children need attention and praise when they behave well. This helps reinforce good feelings about themselves.
- Become self-reliant - Children need to learn how to take care of themselves (dress, wash, etc.) and to do simple household tasks. Mastering these skills helps children develop confidence in their abilities.
- Develop orderliness - Good work habits help children succeed at home, at school and, as an adult, at work. Don't excuse repeated forgetfulness, dawdling or messiness as part of a child's personality.

Why do children misbehave?
At times they misbehave because:
- They're tired, hungry or sick
- They were never clearly told that a certain behavior was wrong

But often, bad feelings are the cause. For example:
- Anger - Children may become angry when they don't get what they want. If parents give in to angry demands, the child learns that anger "works" and will continue to use it.
- Fear - Children may be afraid of many things (darkness, new people, failing in school, losing their parents' love, etc.). Sometimes their actions are misinterpreted as deliberate misbehavior.
- Jealousy - Children may be jealous of a new baby or a brother or sister's accomplishment. They may use misbehavior to get attention.
- Hurt - Feelings of hurt or disappointment can linger for a long time. Children may seek revenge against people they feel let them down.
Understanding the cause of misbehavior can help you choose and effective method of changing the behavior.

Negative patterns can develop when parents "give in" to inconsiderate behavior; children tend to repeat the misbehavior. For example:
The child makes a demand: "I want some candy." The parent refuses to give the child candy, pointing out that it's almost dinnertime. The child's demands continue: "But I still want candy!" The parent becomes irritated. The child keeps pestering. The parent gets upset and overreacts. The parent feels guilty, apologizes to the child, and gives the candy after all.
To break negative patterns like this, parents must learn to discipline effectively.

HOW TO DISCIPLINE EFFECTIVELY
Encourage positive behavior through these basic steps:
- Give children love - All children need to know they are loved. Younger children especially need the reassurance of hugs, kisses, smiles and praise. Immediate praise encourages children to repeat positive behavior.
- Listen to your children - Adults like attention when they speak, and so do children! Listen carefully (not absent-mindedly) to your child. Your child may be flattered by your interest and try even harder to please you. Busy parents should set aside a special listening time each day. For example, talk together during a walk, while doing the dishes or before bedtime.
- Understand your child - Needs and wants change, as children grow older. For example, young children need to know parents are near. Most teenagers need some privacy as well as regular outings with friends. Listening and observing carefully will help prepare you to deal with these changes.
- Set limits - Realistic limits are necessary for safety and for the family's happiness. Setting limits involves:
o EXPLANATION - Sharing with children the reasons for proposed limits.
o DISCUSSION - Coming to an agreement on the need for the limits, and ensuring that the limits are understood.
o REPETITION - Reminding children about limits until self-discipline develops. Children may test you to see if you're serious. At other times, they may simply forget what they're supposed to do.
o The whole family needs limits on:
- TIME (bedtime, curfews)
- BOUNDARIES (you may go here but not there)
- BEHAVIOR (you may do this, but not that)
- ENFORCE LIMITS FIRMLY AND FAIRLY

- Give Rewards - To help establish the desired behavior, give praise promptly every time your child responds appropriately. Younger children love smiles, hugs, kisses and thank-you. Older children respond to praise, special privileges, etc.
- Promote Independence - When children understand and agree to limits, they are learning to set their own to promote independence:
o Allow your child to share in decisions. As he or she grows older, give increased responsibility for setting limits.
o Provide encouragement and comfort whenever your child experience failure.

Discuss Emotions - Let your child know you understand that he or she ifs angry or frustrated and that it's okay to feel that way. Let your child know your feelings, too. Eventually, your child will learn to talk about feelings, instead of misbehaving.

Promote Responsibility - Give children jobs to do at home. Even very young children can put away their toys and clothes. To encourage responsibility:
o Discuss what needs to be done; assign jobs to each person (rotate chores for fairness).
o Set time limits for completing jobs.
o Check to make sure jobs are done.
o Praise children for completing tasks, to help develop their confidence.

Set a good example
Children learn from watching others.
o If you want them to be on time, you should be, too.
o If you want them to pick up their clothes, you should pick up your own.
o If you want them to speak softly, so should you.
o If you want them to be polite, you should use "please", "thank you", etc. when talking with your children or others.
o If you want them to stick to limits, you should set your own limits and stick to them.


WHEN CHILDREN MISBEHAVE??
Take action that is appropriate for your child and the situation. Be firm, fair and consistent. If you?re feeling angry or upset, take time to cool off before deciding what to do.
Contracts to change behavior - If your child has an annoying habit, you can make an agreement/contract to eliminate it. To do this:
o Agree on what behavior is expected.
o Discuss and choose appropriate rewards for the expected behavior and consequences for misbehavior.
o Record successful behavior. For example, use a chart of checkmarks.

Repayments - If your child damages or destroys property, have the child repair the damage or pay for it with him or her own money. The child should also apologize to the property owner.

Scolding - A sharp "No!" or "Stop it!" can be effective, especially with younger children. However, if parents scold too often or too long, children stop listening. If you must scold your child:
o Say only what's necessary to stop the misbehavior.
o Don't make empty threats, especially when you're angry.
o Don't apologize for scolding.

Removing Privileges - This can include forbidding your child to watch TV or to go bike riding or on an outing with friends. Be sure your child understands why the privilege is being taken away.

Isolation - Isolation may give an ill-tempered child a chance to cool off. If you send your child to his or her room:
o Tell the child how long to stay there.
o Make clear the time will be increased if the child comes out too soon.
o Make sure the child is in a safe place.
o Talk after the child comes out.

Physical punishment - Avoid spanking, hitting, pushing, etc. physical punishment may become too easy a habit and may only provide a bad example (such as spanking your child because he hit his sister). Instead, a firm hand on the shoulder is usually enough to stop the misdeed.

Seek professional help - Don't be afraid to ask for help if disciplining your child becomes a problem. Check with family counseling, mental health services or social service agencies

...SO...Effective Discipline is a Positive Process
o UNDERSTAND your child's need
o REWARD your child for good behavior
o DISCOURAGE misbehavior firmly but fairly and be consistent.
o ADAPT your methods of discipline as your child grows.